Monday, October 3, 2011

all these years...

Posted by Wan Nur Syazana Wan Mohamad Ariffin at 7:46 AM 3 comments
     5 years ago when my SPM result came out i was ecstatic. like really2 happy with my result. i thought since i got 9As i could fly halfway around the world for the purpose of studying. but i didn't. all my applications to study abroad got rejected by every single one of them. literally, all of it. i had to admit i was disappointed to the point where i thought i was stupid. i got jealous of my friends who get the one chance that i didn't get. i didn't understand why i was pushed aside. when i see some of my friends whose number of As are lower than mine but get offered to go abroad, it was like i fell to the very bottom of the earth. i thought it was unfair. i remember crying for hours as if it was the end of me. hatred consumed me that i began to hate some of them. but that feeling fade away as time passed by. by then my mind has been mold into thinking i was not good enough and all other negative thoughts conquered my head. and myself physically, spiritually, and mentally. 

     but i eventually enrolled into matriculation college with bunch of my school friends. i was happy there. but part of me still had all of those negative thinking. i didn't see why it happened or what God has planned for me. i failed to see the reason behind everything that has happened. but then i remember back in middle school i used to love Indiana Jones. Indy personally developed my interest in archaeology back then (even though now i know how Prof. Jones looks more like a grave robber than an archaeologist). when i applied to study abroad after SPM, it was in the field of agriculture. i began to redevelop my passion for archaeology and all stuff ancient. by the end of my second semester in college i had to choose whether to continue studying in Science or explore a new discipline which is Arts. i chose Arts. my parents were against it at first but in the end they let it go and let me create my own path. i chose USM (University of Science Malaysia). i decided to apply for Social Sciences.

     and i got in. i majored in Anthropology and Sociology and minored in Archaeology. the sole reason why i wanted to enter USM so bad was because USM was the only university that offers archaeology course in Malaysia. i realized that if i apply scholarships to go abroad they won't let me take up archaeology. i prob had to take medicine or any other 'critical' disciplines. although a few weeks after i entered USM i got two offers to study abroad : Dentistry in Indonesia and TESL in New Zealand.  well, i rejected both of them. not payback btw. it was because i already had my goal and what i wanted to do with my life. and USM has everything that i needed. 

     and now i've graduated from USM with a BA. in Social Sciences. and now i am currently writing my proposal for my masters degree in archaeology. and hopefully after two years i'll graduate with a masters degree. 

     now, everything's clear. why i got rejected. God has planned everything for me all along. good thing i didn't study abroad. because if i did, than i jz abandon my passion. which i'm glad i didn't. i regret crying like hell when i got rejected. i regret thinking i was stupid. i regret having all of those negative thoughts toward myself. if only i realized sooner that everything happens for a reason... it doesn't matter. i'm not jealous anymore. i did what i did because i love it and i know it's right for me. from a science student to and art student. well at least i get to explore both of it. 

     the one thing that i regret is the fact that this country values natural sciences and tend to put aside social sciences. there should be a balance between these two as they are both of equal important. i've learned a lot being a social science student. the knowledge that i've gained throughout 3 years as an undergrad is really valuable. it made me more aware of the social surroundings. it made me a more caring and better person. there ought to be more anthropologists, sociologists, political analysts, etc out there. social sciences esp anthropology and sociology needs to be a well-established discipline. my only regret is that it's not. in the Europe and US these field of study are not something they take lightly over. it's essential in the development of a country esp a developing nation like ours. i hope in the future it'll be on the same level and exist a balance between the two main discipline.

     oh my. i haven't write in quite some times and all of a sudden i blurted out everything. well, moral of the story is don't look down on yourself and know that God always has a plan for you. as long as you work hard to achieve it, everything will be ok. i know i'm gonna be okay. InsyaAllah~

Monday, October 3, 2011

all these years...

3 comments
     5 years ago when my SPM result came out i was ecstatic. like really2 happy with my result. i thought since i got 9As i could fly halfway around the world for the purpose of studying. but i didn't. all my applications to study abroad got rejected by every single one of them. literally, all of it. i had to admit i was disappointed to the point where i thought i was stupid. i got jealous of my friends who get the one chance that i didn't get. i didn't understand why i was pushed aside. when i see some of my friends whose number of As are lower than mine but get offered to go abroad, it was like i fell to the very bottom of the earth. i thought it was unfair. i remember crying for hours as if it was the end of me. hatred consumed me that i began to hate some of them. but that feeling fade away as time passed by. by then my mind has been mold into thinking i was not good enough and all other negative thoughts conquered my head. and myself physically, spiritually, and mentally. 

     but i eventually enrolled into matriculation college with bunch of my school friends. i was happy there. but part of me still had all of those negative thinking. i didn't see why it happened or what God has planned for me. i failed to see the reason behind everything that has happened. but then i remember back in middle school i used to love Indiana Jones. Indy personally developed my interest in archaeology back then (even though now i know how Prof. Jones looks more like a grave robber than an archaeologist). when i applied to study abroad after SPM, it was in the field of agriculture. i began to redevelop my passion for archaeology and all stuff ancient. by the end of my second semester in college i had to choose whether to continue studying in Science or explore a new discipline which is Arts. i chose Arts. my parents were against it at first but in the end they let it go and let me create my own path. i chose USM (University of Science Malaysia). i decided to apply for Social Sciences.

     and i got in. i majored in Anthropology and Sociology and minored in Archaeology. the sole reason why i wanted to enter USM so bad was because USM was the only university that offers archaeology course in Malaysia. i realized that if i apply scholarships to go abroad they won't let me take up archaeology. i prob had to take medicine or any other 'critical' disciplines. although a few weeks after i entered USM i got two offers to study abroad : Dentistry in Indonesia and TESL in New Zealand.  well, i rejected both of them. not payback btw. it was because i already had my goal and what i wanted to do with my life. and USM has everything that i needed. 

     and now i've graduated from USM with a BA. in Social Sciences. and now i am currently writing my proposal for my masters degree in archaeology. and hopefully after two years i'll graduate with a masters degree. 

     now, everything's clear. why i got rejected. God has planned everything for me all along. good thing i didn't study abroad. because if i did, than i jz abandon my passion. which i'm glad i didn't. i regret crying like hell when i got rejected. i regret thinking i was stupid. i regret having all of those negative thoughts toward myself. if only i realized sooner that everything happens for a reason... it doesn't matter. i'm not jealous anymore. i did what i did because i love it and i know it's right for me. from a science student to and art student. well at least i get to explore both of it. 

     the one thing that i regret is the fact that this country values natural sciences and tend to put aside social sciences. there should be a balance between these two as they are both of equal important. i've learned a lot being a social science student. the knowledge that i've gained throughout 3 years as an undergrad is really valuable. it made me more aware of the social surroundings. it made me a more caring and better person. there ought to be more anthropologists, sociologists, political analysts, etc out there. social sciences esp anthropology and sociology needs to be a well-established discipline. my only regret is that it's not. in the Europe and US these field of study are not something they take lightly over. it's essential in the development of a country esp a developing nation like ours. i hope in the future it'll be on the same level and exist a balance between the two main discipline.

     oh my. i haven't write in quite some times and all of a sudden i blurted out everything. well, moral of the story is don't look down on yourself and know that God always has a plan for you. as long as you work hard to achieve it, everything will be ok. i know i'm gonna be okay. InsyaAllah~
 

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